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Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)
u.s. national team member and espn soccer analyst, alexei lalas. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] good to see you again. [cheers and applause] all right alexi, good to have you back, this is this it for socker is? is it a killing blow to the world's most favorite sport? >> absolutely not. >> stephen: why not it's corrupt you can't trust a single game. it's a sham. it's theater. it might as well be wrestling at this point. >> it's in the a sham. it's huge and very important. >> stephen: so is wrestling. >> it's important it be dealt with. when these things come out. fixing has been around for a long time but we're talking in europe, central america and we're talking about a massive amount of people. >> stephen: what about the united states do we have evidence of fixing in the united states? >> we have some evidence but i'm here to tell you that the u.s. major league soccer is clean and maybe in that sense there's an opportunity there. >> stephen: how would somebody fix a game? how? >> i guarantee i've played in a fixed game. there's a difference between ming in it and
economists believe the u.s should do the same. >> will the u.s. follow suit? >> will that mean the end of honest abe here in the u.s.? >> stephen: yes, will that be the end of the lincoln penny. or the new daniel day lewis penny. [laughter] so convincing. [ laughter ] thankfully, some brave patriots are resisting this penny pinch. a group called americans for common cents, which is a delightful play on words because the penny is so common. [laughter] i get it. [cheers and applause] americans for common cents is a lobby group that "aims to inform and educate policymakers, consumers, and the media about the penny's economic, cultural, and historical significance." that's right, historical significance. for instance: did you know, historians tell us there was a time when pennies were useful. [laughter] and americans for common sense backs everything up with science evidence, like a recent poll which showed that "almost two-thirds of americans still feel the penny should be retained." and you can trust that poll, because it was conducted by leading opinion researchers coinstar. [laughter]
the u.s. speed skating team. big deal. we sponsored a team too. but since our show has a budget of zero dollars, we couldn't afford any american teams. so for the price of a cup of coffee, we found out you can sponsor the iranian ice dancing team. death to america. good night. [cheers and applause] . ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [eagle caw] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. [crowd chanting "stephen!"] [cheers and applause] thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. ladies and gentlemen, i think that this world would be a much better place if i could take that kind of energy, put it in a paper bag and huff it. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] hope you had a good presidents' day weekend. i took an all-expense paid trip to crap-my-pants-istan because last friday this happened. >> a ten ton meteor racing at 33,000 miles per hour through the atmosphere streekd over a russian city 900 miles of east of moscow before exploding of blinding bright light said
tour. thankfully it's only in the u.s. the tosh tour 2010 starts september 24th and tickets go on sale june 17th. new dates are being added daily. all the info is on our website. and if you do come out to a show, no surprise trust falls into me. [laughter] first of all, i'm not trustworthy, and second of all, i'm very frail. see you next week. good night. [cheers & applause] . ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [eagle caw] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. [crowd chanting "stephen!"] [cheers and applause] thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. ladies and gentlemen, i think that this world would be a much better place if i could take that kind of energy, put it in a paper bag and huff it. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] hope you had a good presidents' day weekend. i took an all-expense paid trip to crap-my-pants-istan because last friday this happened. >> a ten ton meteor racing at 33,000 miles per hour through the atmosphere streekd over a russian
? here's the idea: the plan "gives u.s. citizens and lawful permanent residents the ability to seek a visa on the basis of a permanent relationship with a same-sex partner." that's right. he wants to let gay foreigners across the border to take our good-paying, american gaying jobs. [ laughter ] well, folks, i believe in american exceptionalism. and this is an insult to american gays. who i may not approve of, but i believe they are the gayest in the world. [ laughter ] our gay people -- they are not just homosexual. they're homo-ceptional. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] we'll be right back.[cheers and] steej welcome back, everybody. thank you very much. [cheers and applause] welcome back to the broadcast. folks, by now it should be clear, we are in the waning days of our second amendment rights, and i hope you're making the most of it. this weekend, i took my gun sweetness up to a b & b in the catskills for a little alone time, and let's just say they had to replace the sheets-- [laughter] and the windows-- [laughter] and the lamps-- [laughter] and the coffee maker-- [laughter]
, the car is legal. right now, the huayra is not approved by the transportation department for u.s. roads. >> stephen: you cannot drive it. which makes it the ultimate luxury. any schmo can own a car that can take you some place. but only the true elite can afford a $1.2 million cupholder. just imagine how much you'll enjoy rubbing it in your friends' faces, provided they give you a ride to their house first. [laughter] and platinum nation, spend it while you can, because california's new tax plan for the wealthy has already claimed one casualty. >> phil mickelson, he's california based and he's had it with taxes. he says he's going to take drastic action because his tax rate is 63%. mikelson's going to take drastic action! and in pro golf, that could mean carrying his own putter! [laughter] but he's got no choice. he makes only $60 million a year. and california's raised his taxes 3%. so mickelback is considering moving out of california or even retiring altogether. i warned you that these tax hikes would cause our best and brightest to take their talents elsewhere. do you know what happ
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)